A Person Is a Person Through Other Persons

Happy New Year, dear readers! And thank you for coming back to our blog for 2022.

Over the holidays, I reflected on Wise Humanity topics as I read books, watched movies, exercised, and saw a couple of friends. Here’s a train of thought that emerged from it all, one I hope is worth sharing with you.

The first thought was sparked by a passage by Brené Brown, where she considers how to cultivate courage, compassion and connection:

“One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on ‘going it alone.’ Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves.”

I recognize myself in these words. I recall one time, during my college years, when I took a run from Cambridge along the river into Boston, and promptly found myself lost, tired, and chilled. I wanted to take the metro back home but didn’t have the sixty-five-cent fare and couldn’t bring myself to ask anyone for it. I started walking with my eyes in the gutter, hoping to find some discarded change. I checked the coin return in payphones. I even furtively peered into wishing fountains, but I couldn’t gather sixty-five cents.

Eventually I asked a young couple for directions back to the river. They offered to give me metro fare. I said no thank you, and walked the four miles home.

That’s a little crazy, right? But it was like hitting a brick wall. I just could not ask for or accept money from a stranger.

Brené explains why: “It’s as if we’ve divided the world into ‘those who offer help’ and ‘those who need help.’”

Yes, that was it. I had to go it alone because I was too proud to join the group of “those who need help.” As though accepting a few coins would cost me my dignity, turning me from a student into a beggar.

Brene writes, “The truth is that we are both.”

Which reminds me that someone with a sharp funny bone once quipped, “There are two kinds of the people in the world: those who divide people into two kinds, and those who don’t.”

It’s best to keep in touch with the ways that we are all one and the same.

This oneness came home to me even more when Archbishop Desmond Tutu, in a movie I watched, described the traditional African concept of Ubuntu, or togetherness. He explained that we become human through others; “a person is a person through other persons.” For example, he said, we could not learn to speak without others. “I speak as a human being because I copied, I imitated, other human beings.” Similarly, our thoughts are built on the thoughts of others. Everything we are emerges from our web of togetherness, the web of giving and receiving.

Instead of “I think, therefore I am,” this philosophy says, “We are together, therefore I am.”

It’s quite a message, during this time of covid isolation and societal fragmentation. In times like these, it takes courage to build togetherness.

All these thoughts bring me back to why I’m looking forward to 2022 with Wise Humanity.

In our courses, workshops and community, we practice the courage of togetherness. We practice compassion, and we practice gratitude, which cannot happen without opening our hearts to receiving gifts from others. We practice the courage of trust, honesty, and sincerity. We enter a zone of creativity and growth that can happen only because of the quality of attention we share with each other.

As Mary Daly said, courage is a practice. We learn to swim by swimming, and we learn courage by courage-ing.

May we enter 2022 practicing the courage of togetherness.

Put these ideas into practice with us! Our next course is open for applications now and starts Feb. 19. Apply here by January 31, and/or forward this blog to someone who is ready to grow in 2022!

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